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Top 10 Ways to Find Love, According to Hollywood

You fork over 10 bucks at the movies so you can feel happy, scared or inspired for a couple of hours. But sometimes you leave the theater feeling just plain horrible. Why? Because nothing that romantic ever happens to you. You’ve never met a Leo on a ship headed for an iceberg and you have definitely never serendipitously met “the one.”

Since Hollywood is always right, we decided to use Tinsel Town as our love guide. So forget self-help books, here are the top 10 ways to find love Hollywood-style.

10. While You Were Sleeping

Rescue a man from an oncoming train. Not only will you have an immediate in with his family, but if he loses his memory, hey, you’ve got yourself a new fiancée! And, if he ends up being a total loser, you can always find love by going for his brother.

9. Clueless

Step-brothers are fair game. The man of your dreams may be living in the next room over. Plus, you’ll have a lot in common (like your parents) and if he’s not your blood, then it’s not incest!

8. Titanic

Get on a ship doomed for peril. Just make sure a cute working class passenger is on board and you bring your jerk fiancée. When the iceberg hits, grab a floating piece of debris and say hello (or goodbye) to the love of your life.

7. Serendipity

Rely on fate. Fate is pretty strong force. Especially when you write your name on a book and sell it to one of the million book stands in NYC and he writes his number on a dollar bill and uses it to buy gum. If you get together after all of this, than it has to be destiny. Because otherwise it’s just luck and that’s just a boring way to find love.

6. Blue Lagoon

Find a deserted island, get stranded and fall in love. Musts include making sure there are only two people (tribal groups can be so bothersome) and securing that both parties are attractive. Ability to keep up conversation for long periods of time is also a necessity. And, even if it is incest, who cares? You’re on an island (and he’s hot).

5. There’s Something about Mary

Encourage stalking. Some may call it a crime, but we call it love. And doesn’t every girl want a little attention (even if she doesn’t know she’s getting it)?

4. Scream

Tragedy is a turn-on. What can be more romantic than death? Well a lot of things. But hey, everyone has different turn-ons. Some people find love at weddings, others at church, but if you’re a cop and a reporter, what better place to hit it off than at a crime scene?

3. Speed

High pressure situations will speed up any romance. Even if he’s trying to save you from an evil terrorist plot, it doesn’t mean that he can’t make a little time for romance. If he’s successful, you’ll be moving away from the danger zone and into the love zone. First he’ll dismantle the bomb and then–your heart.

2. Borat

Aim low. Even though Pam Anderson may look amazing in a bathing suit, a poster won’t be able to give you your basic needs. Your adoring hooker may not be a looker, but if she/he’s willing to move to Kazakhstan, then it must mean something. And you won’t have to pay to get a little something, too.

1. Never Been Kissed

Head back to high school. You may not score with the cool crowd, but who cares? You can still snag an older man who thinks you’re underage. Doesn’t every man want a younger girl anyway? And nothing screams date me like having to sneak in to an 18-and-older club

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